i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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