I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
