I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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