he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
