Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
