im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
