I heard we made out
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
god, I love you
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.