that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
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i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
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On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.