so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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