it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball