he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.