Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
