It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
