I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
