We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
