I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
