I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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