Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.