Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken