oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You are the jesus of drinking
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa