His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
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apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
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U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.