**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
