Only a mothe r could love this liver
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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