i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
