Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
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