Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
