Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
