he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
