Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
