We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
