Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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