who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
