If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
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No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
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I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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