only you would photoshop your dick
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
