Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
