Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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