im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
