she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
