Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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