when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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