no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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