I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
