so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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