turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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