I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
