Me too!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
