My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
