cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
