It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
