I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Acid is not a monday night drug
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
