i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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