he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
