I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
