You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
