i was born a porn star she said
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
