This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
