I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
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How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
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I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.