i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
