I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.