Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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