a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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