I want to walk on stilts...naked
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
