i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
