Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
