its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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