So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Found the puke drawer
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
