Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
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she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
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The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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