I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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