the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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