Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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