I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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