hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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