you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
How's work?
Spinning.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
