I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
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Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
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Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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