Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
