Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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