My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
