things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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