I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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