i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
