I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
