So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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