I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
