What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
